Friday, May 27, 2016

After the longest hiatus ever...

Hello internet world! I finally feel compelled to update you on our/my life! I realize this has been the longest blogging break ever, which definitely makes me a terrible blogger, but there had/have been some changes around the Cutter household that took priority. Thankfully, I'm back, at least temporarily :) So brace yourself for the update of all updates!

The last time we were all here together, it was the end of February and I was annoyed by the election. Everything I said then, I still totally stand behind and am annoyed by - Ross Perot 2016! Anyways. While writing that post, I was barely holding it together for one small reason (the reason was 0.32 cm long at the time, btw) which also happens to be the same reason I haven't blogged in months....

Baby Cutter had made an appearance! Due 10.10.16, my brother's birthday, he/she is now 14 cm long and kicking my belly button. We are SO excited.

Let me back up for two seconds and answer some of your burning questions:

1. Do we know if it's a boy or a girl?

Not yet. BUT, we had our half-way-point ultrasound yesterday and Baby looks great! Want to see how far we've come?

update: baby at 4 weeks, 8 weeks, and 20 weeks

During the ultrasound, the tech asked us, "Would you like to find out the gender?" and we said, "YES," even though we had debated the whole pregnancy whether to find out or not. Long story short, in the last few weeks, I had really been anxious to know and it was making me more frustrated thinking about not knowing. Also, I had been/have been feeling anxious and a little insecure this whole pregnancy, so knowing would be one less thing to have be up in the air.

We asked her to write the sex on a little piece of paper and seal it up so that we can open it this weekend when we celebrate our anniversary. We're dying to know. I'm trying not to think about it until Sunday.

Any last minute predictions from the internet world?? I'm thinking GIRL and that she'll be more than 8lbs., and will be late. Strangely, a lot of other people (our parents and grandparents, best friends) think it's a boy and is "gently suggesting" we name him Michael (my grandfather), Patrick (my grandmother - Patricia), or David (my father). Watch us have a boy and name him Lazarus (jk, Lewis).

2. Was he/she a surprise?

First, I think this is such a bizarre question, since it's a fairly intimate question about our sex life, but I've definitely already fielded it a few times. Do other people find this to be a weird question? Answering "no" means this person was an "accident" (or, a surprise if you're trying to spin it nicely). Answering "yes" means we were anxious to jump on the baby bandwagon and trying to breed like rabbits.

The real answer is.... I'm not telling you :) But, we practice NFP (Natural Family Planning), which actually is less of an intimate detail of our sex life than how this child was conceived and which we love promoting haha. We adhere to the Catholic Church's teaching that birth control distorts the natural consequences and beautiful purposes of sex and marriage and so no birth control of any kind for us. [In case you're curious, we believe the two purposes of sex are (1) to be unified to each other (aka bring us closer and have intimacy, share our our love for each other through our physical bodies, strengthen our marital bond, etc.) and (2) to procreate. And, very importantly, these two purposes can never be separated from each other.]

And so as NFP-er's, we were open to God's plan for our family and to His timing. This doesn't mean we had NO CLUE it was possible and were totally flabergasted when two blue lines appeared - NFP doesn't work like that. It's more of a "Okay, we know it's possible to conceive right now. So, do we want to have sex along with the myriad of consequences of that decision entails? If not, let's choose to not have sex right now." Of course, women can conceive when they don't think they're in that window AND it's totally possible to not get pregnant even when you think you are fertile myrtle.

Conclusion: we were and are very excited and nervous and overwhelmed and so in love with Baby Moo (our inside nickname for this bebe) and he/she couldn't have arrived at a more perfect time.

3. How has pregnancy been?

Oh man. Well, contemplating that I haven't blogged in literal months should give you an indication of how my energy levels were in the beginning and how balanced my hormones were (hahahahaha).

Months 0 - 3.5: So, so nauseous. "Morning" sickness = all day sickness. No energy. Lots of time spent lying on the bathroom floor. Absolutely could not be near beef, quinoa, or fresh vegetables. The smell of it = bowing to the porcelain god. Isn't pregnancy glamourous??? I wanted to punch anyone who said, "My pregnancies were so easy!" And then checked myself because I know not everyone who wants to get pregnant can, and that sickness is usually a sign of a healthy pregnancy. So I tried to be thankful and was and am. Also, my waist disappeared sometime around week 13.

Months 3.5 - now (5 months): Goodbye sickness, hello starvation! Not only am I no longer sick, but I am RAVENOUS and cravings kicked in! Specifically, I could literally have the following all day long and be happy: all citrus fruits, 7-11 Slurpees (be still my heart), any dark sodas, Vietnamese food, and all vegetables. Beef & quinoa (and tomatoes sometimes) still off the table.

Most excitingly, I have a bump! It appeared around 18 weeks and it slowly growing. Thankfully, it's now obvious that I'm pregnant and not just a little chubster who eats bowls of goldfish while watching The Office reruns (although I've been there too in the past few months).

4. So are you still looking for a job?

No. Months of searching turned up nada - not a single call back or interview or even rejection letter. And (for) now that ship has sailed. I'm over half way to meeting Baby Moo (or Baby Moo-ina) and since the parental leave in this country is just amazing (insert all the eye rolls), there's no point in finding a job to work for 3 months and then quit.

Instead, I'm embracing this period of my life as one that has "Not Gone According to My Plan," am changing my expectations for Denver and my career, and am fully planning to stay home for a little while. I have every intention of working in the future, but for so many reasons not in my control, it isn't happening now. And I've made my peace with that. I think, for me, being a Momma will be the most important job I ever have anyways and while that exclusivity (of being "just" a mom) isn't what I would have necessarily chosen for myself right now, it's happening.

The other day, a friend on Facebook (guys, a DENVER friend! I'm making friends!) posted this article which just 100000% hits the nail on the head for me about why I've been so unhappy and frustrated since our move. In case you don't feel like reading it, the gist of it is this: a lot of our unhappiness and frustration comes from unmet expectations and the difference between what we want or expect to happen versus what our true reality is. My expectation was: job, career, money! And my reality was: no job, no friends, no money AND an increased reliance on Lewis & our marriage, some deep introspection and growth, and having a baby. Not a bad trade :)

Looking forward looks really good for us. Lewis's job is still great. We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary (where did that year go???) and are going to Vail this weekend to celebrate! We have numerous fun trips planned for the summer (home, the Lake, a wedding, lots of Steamboat and other Colorado places) and are preparing our home and hearts for the next member of this family.